sometimes love requires sacrifice
by emilyemmyxoxo2000
Summary: Jace and Clary are a happy couple with no worry in the world... until an unexpected surprize make its way into their lives... Will they be able to accept it? or will everything they ever had together start crumbling down?..
1. threats of all kinds

**hello everyone, so heres chapter one of 'jumping to conclusions' hope you enjoy. disclaimer all rights to characters got to Cassandra clare**

**'Jace and Clary are happy couple with no worry in the world... until an unexpected surprize makes its way into their lives... will they be able to accept it? or will everything they ever had together start crumbling down?'**

"Clary stop ignoring me... or you'll pay dearly in training today. So... I'd suggest you get up off that lazy little arse of yours and make your way to the training room," Isabelle Lightwood commanded.

"Look, Izzy," Clary Fray glanced over at Izzy and carefully drawled out the words. "I would love to train with you today... but I'm happy sitting here in this comfortable white chair, that feels like clouds under my butt." Clary said, a devilish smirk spreading across her face. "Oh... and also I wouldn't want to break this new manicure you worked so hard on for me last night... would I now?" Clary fake pouted. She waved her hands in front of Izzy's face.

Izzy looked like she was about to combust out frustration and anger; her face was as red as a tomato. Clary tried her hardest to hold back her laughter, while Izzy glared at her with her arms crossed. It would be perfect if Alec or Jace happened to walk in the kitchen right at this moment, and accidently pushed Izzy over her breaking point, which would be a sight to see, Clary decided.

"Training is compulsory Clary; just you wait and see what I have in store for you today." Clary rolled her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me you may be my parabati, but I would really like to see you work your butt off today. It'll be very entertaining, you know what they say 'no pain no gain'." Isabelle shrugged. And smirked.

"You're bluffing Iz, but I will play along with your little game." Clary stated inside her head. Come here Izzy. I have to whisper something to you." Clary chuckled. This would be too good. Izzy gave Clary the weirdest look, but bent down nevertheless.

"You do realize Jace is right outside that door listening to every word". He wasn't, but Clary was feeling especially spiteful, and wanted a good laugh so she led Izzy to believe he was. "Also... he might have been the one to replace your shampoo with that fluorescent green hair dye." Izzy face had turned, at least, ten shades redder than it already was.

"Anyway Izzy, I'll meet you up at the training room in... half an hour. I assume you want time to kill your brother." Clary said. Izzy seemed to miss the mischievous glint in Clary's eyes. "Of course I would want time to kill him my hair was green for 2 months! He has hell to pay!

Just you wait until I get my hands around his throat!" Izzy puffed out an angry breath, and left the kitchen.

"You get back here Jace and don't you dare run away from me like a coward. You arse hole."

Izzy ran yelling down the hallway.

Clary was now on the rolling on the floor with tears in her eyes. She was laughing so much.

Jace was so in for it now. After some time to recover from her laughing fit Clary got up and made her way to the fridge, where she poured herself a cool glass of water with some ice cubes.

The kitchen doors opened and Alec walked in. His hair was ruffled, and he still had his pyjamas on.

"Good Morning. How did you sleep beauty queen?"

Alec blushed a deep crimson colour. "I slept real good. So... what did your Jace do this time?

Izzy is tearing the place apart like a mad man... er mad woman... looking for him."

"I may have lied... and said he was listening in on our conversation. And that he put that fluorescent green hair dye in her shampoo bottle."

Alec looked up at Clary in the middle of biting his sandwich... and broke out into a fit of laughter. Successfully spitting any remnants of food that he'd just been chewing out of his mouth. "You may as well go sign his death certificate right now." He nodded grudgingly, "good one clare bear."

They sat in a comfortable silence for awhile. A gagging sound Clary had made broke it.

"You oka- " Alec was cut off mid sentence by a very distressed Clary running to Jace's bathroom.

Clary sprinted to the bathroom holding her mouth. She felt like she was about to be sick everywhere.

Clary slammed the door to the bathroom shut with such force that it shook the room, and unfortunately for Jace it gave him quite the scare. Clearly he wasn't expecting her to run in while he was in the shower.

After he got over his hysteria, his brain registered that Clary was kneeling on his well their, for how she was taking it over bathroom floor emptying her guts out. He grabbed the nearest towel which was pink, proof of Clary's usurpation, this'll have to do. It doesn't look manly, because it wasn't, and is the worst colour ever created. But my girlfriend needs help, so this'll have to do, he said to himself.

He made his way to his favourite little red head; lifted her curly red hair out of her face, and started to rub some soothing patterns along the small of her back. He knelt there for about

five minutes with her until her puking subsided.

Clary turned to face him and her emerald eyes were welling up with tears. She laid down on him, and made those funny little hiccup sounds everyone makes after they cry. He could understand that she was clearly In pain, and exhausted. He could feel beads of sweat trickling down, his bare chest.

Now, Clary felt guilty that Isabelle was going to kill him, well not literally kill him. But still beat his arse up, she felt guilty, because of the way he was treating her right now.

"I love you," Clary said in a shaky voice, "I love you so much."

"I love you too Fray." He kissed her forehead and helped her up. "I will just be in the bedroom getting dressed call me if you need me."

She watched as Jace left the bathroom. And couldn't get over the fact that he had a pink towel around his waist, even if it was because she was sick and he had rushed over to help her. She didn't think he would ever resort to wearing a pink towel. Ever. Though that's why she put it in there.

Clary took a quick shower and hurriedly brushed her teeth. Once she was done she chucked on some yoga pants and a baggy top. She ran into the room and tackled Jace, smushing him to the bed.

But he had her pinned in less than a second, and was tickling her sides.

"Stop... stop it... Jace!" She yelled.

He smirked devilishly, "Not until you give me a kiss Fray."

"Fine!" She said ,"but you have to let me go!"

"Your wish is my command milady."

Jace bowed, and lifted her up. Clary tilted her head upwards and kissed him. This kiss was unlike any kiss she'd ever shared with Jace it wasn't too needy... or to tender. His lips were soft against hers. Electricity was running up and down her spine. Clary pulled back, after a

while, with the realization that Izzy was going to kill her too, unless she got to that training room straight away. Jace and her were just leaving the room when Isabelle stopped them.

"Slowly I am going to kill you both, it will be painful and very slow." Izzy threatened.

Jace and clary flinched, and stepped back.

"Clary get to the training room now! Jace stop distracting my parabati... its unfair."

"Unfair." Jace repeated mockingly.

Isabelle started walking away, then turned back to her brother, "I'm actually I'm not quite done yet Herondale!"

She stomped up to him and slapped him in the face. She started screaming at him again, "and if you ever put hair dye in my shampoo again... so help me... I will chop your manhood off in your sleep and I won't be nice about!"

Jace looked over Izzy's shoulder to see Clary looking back at him with an apologetic expression on her face. He smiled at her, and mouthed 'you will pay Fray'. Clary bolted to the training room.

Clary looked up from her stretching position to see Izzy making her way into the room. She kicked off both her shoes, "you are not going to live to see tomorrow, my parabati," Izzy threatened.

"You want to bet," Clary said right back. Isabelle ran towards Clary, and leaped into the air while thrusting her left foot out, aiming for Clary's face. Clary flipped back gracefully, and blocked the punches and kicks Izzy was throwing at her.

Izzy paused just for a second to catch her breath, good Clary thought to herself, she had worn her out just enough to get a good kick in. While thinking this, Clary jumped up and kicked both Izzy's knees,the results were gruesome. Isabelle screamed out, and fell to the ground. Loud popping sounds echoed throughout the room. Clary looked at Izzy and said in her best smart ass tone, "I thought you said I wasn't going to live to see tomorrow."

"Okay... I was wrong. Can you just draw some iratzes on my knees please?" Clary pulled out the stele her mother gave her it was beautiful with intricate designs of runes covering the outside of it Clary carefully traced four iratzes on Isabelle's knees.

"I'm sorry but you're going to have some very bruised knees for the next few weeks," Clary smiled sheepishly, and held out a hand to Isabelle. "How about I make it up to you and shoot you some takis?"

"Sounds good Claire bear I have to have a shower though so meet you downstairs soon."

"Okay see you soon."

Clary walked slowly down the halls of the Institute looking at all the artwork that lined the halls. She'd already seen them a million times, but she loved art and couldn't help but want to look at the paintings over and over. It was in her blood... well maybe not blood... but nature. She walked into Jace's and her room. He was asleep on the bed, his golden hair acted as a halo around his head. There was a peaceful look in his eyes. She came over and sat down next to him, she kissed him on the forehead, and whispered to herself you're my angel Jace. I wouldn't know what to do without you.

She saw his lip tilt up at the corner. He reached for her hand and kissed it, "your my angel too, beautiful." Butterflies rose in her stomach and started fluttering around. No matter how many times she was with Jace, somehow, the butterfly's never left. "I'll be back soon bub, thankfully." She said. And then she left him to his slumber.

"Isabelle," Clary yelled, " get down the stairs now otherwise I am not taking us to takis."

Isabelle was skipping down the stairs, she smiled at Clary. "Simon and me are officially dating."

Clary squealed, "you did well. He better treat you right though, otherwise I am going to skin him alive and take pleasure in it."Isabelle laughed, "easy there tiger."

Clary smiled, "I am glad you are my parabati. I would not know what to do without you."

"Back at you red."

"Anyway let us get going, I could really use a coffee."

**chapter 1 finished, tell me what you thought of this chapter and if you have any questions or something you would like to say feel free to pm . until next time :) **


	2. through sickness and in health

**hello everyone, sorry for the late update. I will update atleast twice to three times a month from now on. I would like to give a big thankyou to my Beta-author MortalShadowhunter for the help and effort they also put into this chapter. **

**disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to Cassandra clare.**

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**song for this chapter **

**marry you - Bruno mars **

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"Wakey, wakey." Jace chimed loudly in hopes that Clary would wake up. He still hadn't got that devilish red head back for the little 'Isabelle episode' she pulled. It was crazy how she could portray an angel on the outside but on the inside, she was really the devil reincarnate. As much as he didn't want to wake up her beautiful self sleeping there all snug and peaceful with a crown of red locks framing her porcelain face, he wanted some sweet revenge even more. "Hah. This'll be better then your little trick darling."

Clary groaned. "Go to sleep Jace."

"And let the pancakes I so graciously and talented-ly made-" Clary bolted upright almost immediately, headbutting Jace in the process. Apologizing profusely, she trailed off when she saw the pancakes, her eyes widening.

"Jace." She swooned. "You shouldn't have. You're the sweetest and hottest boyfriend any girl could ask for."

"-For the handsome devil in this room called myself." Jace finished his previous, ignoring Clary's praises. Jace dared a look at Clary; this was what his feisty little red head deserved for lying to the devil of a sister Isabelle. Clary was glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill, he would died enough times to kill the entire demon population. Her emerald green eyes looked as those of a murderers; they had visibly darkened and angry crease lines were splayed out around her eyes whilst her mouth formed the shape of a pout.

"But Jace..." Clary pouted. "I'm your biggest admirer and the most beautiful women you'll ever lay your- albeit dazzling- golden eyes and did I forget to mention that I am hands down the best girlfriend to ever walk the face of this earth." Clary dragged on. "And you repay me by waking me up to say you made breakfast for yourself Aand don't offer me any." _Here it comes,_ Jace thought when she would started begging for some. Chuckling, he shook his head. After all, this was revenge. Clary, looking at his golden glory, demanded what he thought was so funny?

"Nothing just ah just. Just thinking about that time when ah..." _By the angel get your shit together,_ Jace mentally scolded himself. "I was just thinking about that time when your first pulled a stunt on me." Jace lied, thinking it was a lame excuse but Clary burst into a fit of laughter just thinking about that stunt she pulled on him.

He had been playing multiple tricks on her all summer and it pissed her off, so Clary, being the person she was, wasn't going to let him slip away so easily. She laughed in her head while reliving the memory. She had concocted up this clever and nasty trick to pull on him. For one, had she needed Magnus's help. She knew that he could supply with a bucket load of glitter and she went to the shops with Izzy to buy the perfect colour pink dye...Which happened to be the strongest and most bright colour on the shelf.

Little did Jace know that he'd be waking up like a sparkly pink 'not so golden' boy. She recalled when he had gotten up out of bed, his boxers hanging low on his hips as evidence that she had managed to put the glitter on him from head to toe, he was in for the surprise of his life. A scream came from the bathroom and Jace came stomping out of the bathroom like a serial killer on a rampage. Laughing, Clary had to catch her breath. "I do admit, I thought pink would suit you more, glitter boy."

"Oh, you think you're so funny." Jace muttered. "It's a shame it'll take a few weeks to come off and that glitter will be hard to get rid of. It better come off quickly."

Clary started to rub her chin. "Oh yeah...that's right...Magnus said it was enchanted and only he could remove...Hehe silly me should of remembered that."

Jace looked ready to com-bust. "As much as I love you you will not see the light of day when I get my hands on you."

"Well, that's fine with me, glitter boy. It seems I damaged that insufferable ego of yours, Jace." She batted her eyelashes at him. Jace huffed then stormed off like a little child throwing a temper tantrum.

Clary hadn't even realized she zoned off in memory until Jace was waving his hand in front of her, she turned her head and looked up at him and lost herself in another wave of giggles just looking at Jace she pictured him in all the glitter and pink.

Jace rolled his eyes use no matter how much he tried to get revenge on her she would manage to weasel her way out of it without even noticing. He could never win with this girl. He shook his head in amusement and pulled his feisty tiger into a soft embrace into, nuzzling his nose on the top of her head. Snuggling into into Jace's chest, Clary sat their in contentment for a short while, soaking up all his body heat. She could never get over the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms the his warm, smooth skin resting against her own. With sensation of a million butterflies setting flight in her stomach, the butterflies hadn't even ceased since shed met him.

Clary seeming to only realize how hungry she was looked up at Jace with puppy dog eyes and then came out with, "Are you going to eat the pancakes cause I could really use a meal right now. I'm starving." She stated.

Jace sighed. "What would I ever do without you."

Clary chuckled. "Please baby. I really am hungry."

"Fine," Jace gave another loud sigh, completely defeated again. He could never win against her, with those cute little puppy dog eyes. "But save me a piece of bacon I cooked it to perfection today."

"Thank you and you always cook perfectly." Clary reached up and kissed Jace softly on the cheek; at the same she grabbed a pancake off his plate.

"Are you not even going to use a knife and fork?"

"Who do you think I am Jace; I do not use knives." Clary seemed to have a sudden idea and placed the pancake right back on the plate. She then proceeded to get up and sit on her knees facing him with only with a small dagger in her hand. She started to cut up the food in small bite size pieces with the dagger and started poking the with the pointy end of the blade and popping them in her mouth, seemingly satisfied with herself.

"Clary are one weir- I mean special, girl. You're lucky I love you, Fray." Jace said holding in his laughter. Clary copied Jace with mouthful of pancakes making big arm movements and over dramatized facial expressions.

'You're lucky I love you Fray'

"What was that Fray? I couldn't quite here you over those pancakes in your mouth".

She swallowed and said, "don't you worry then Herondale."

"Don't you worry? "Jace leaned forward and pecked clary on the lips They were sweet tasting the golden syrup greeting him with her tongue. They broke apart, both their eyes bulging at a big smashing sound. They smiled sheepishly at one another and looked towards the sound. "Ooops." They both mumbled. "Uh...the plate." Jace whispered. We forgot about the plate."

They broke into a fit of laughter, Clary falling on top of Jace in the process. Just as their lips connected the kiss itself felt so magical like two people in love not being able to see each other for eternity and finally crashing into each other, it was passionate fierce, and sweet so so sweet. Jace knew it was time.

He broke off and looked at Clary like she'd never seen before; his eyes were a smoldering gold colour and his facial features were in awe. He picked Clary up and and sat her on the side of the be, never once taking his eyes off her. He had bought a ring for her months ago, knowing that he was going to propose one day soon, andf even though it wasn't Shadowhunter tradition to use rings, he knew she had lived most of her life in the mundane word and would mean a great deal to her. He told her to close her eyes and sit still and reached over and gently opened the draw next her pulling out a velvet box.

Inside was a stunning silver ring with a small emerald in the middle. It was plain and simple but he knew it would mean everything to her. Some times less is more. And besides it was the little things that mattered most.

"Open your eyes", he whispered against her ear. She opened her eyes and looked down in utter disbelief, so he proceeded with his words.

"From the day I met you, Clary, I knew I would make you mine forever you were beautiful, talented and my little feisty fireball. I know i'm always using different nicknames for you but its only because you have so many great personalities and one nickname wouldn't nearly be enough. Your bright and bubbly and the perfect girl for me, you are my angel even though you're a devil to me sometimes." He mock glared at her, "but like the sun and the moon, I am your angel and you are my devil"

She playfully shoved him. "That doesn't make any sense," she giggled through her tears.

"I love you Clary and I will love you until I die and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then...Will you marry me?" He asked.

_This is too good to be true,_ she thought to herself, _it had to be trick._ But his eyes said everything; so much love and tenderness in them, she knew it wasn't though. She started nodding vigorously, a stream of tears slipping down her red cheeks he slipped the ring on her finger.

"Perfect fit." He studied. "I know rings aren't really a part of Shadowhunter culture but you lived most of your life with mundanes so I thought it only fitting you received a ring." She looked at him and kissed him so passionately she put all her love and feelings into that kiss. She needed him to feel all her emotions right now she needed him to feel the amount of love she had for him she would rather die if they ever broke apart and he would never be able to cope with that.

However, it was stopped all too soon, when she felt a nauseous feeling rise in her stomach she jumped off the bed in frustration. She'd been vomiting all week. She ran into the bathroom, seeming to forget about the broken glass on the ground and cried out in pain, pushing through the pain. She fell onto her knees and started repeating the same cycle she had for the past week. Puking her guts out, Jace had rushed to her side in fear, drawing iratzes on her ankles while she was having a vomiting fit, he was helping with her sliced up feet, which she was grateful for.

She felt like a fountain except she was the statue and whatever contents she had in her stomach was the water. Jace was now holding her curly mane of red locks away from her porcelain face, it felt like a lifetime until the vomiting subdued.

She turned to Jace and hugged him. "It hurts," she cried into his shoulder. It pained him to see her like this every day; she was so shaky in his arms, trembling under his touch.

"I'm going to get Magnus. He'll know what is wrong with you." Jace helped Clary strip down and bathed her, rubbing at her tender skin gently before dressing her and tucking her under the covers. Jace pecked his girlfriend on the fore head before quietly leaving the room.

Before fully closing the door he heard Clary murmur, "Thank you Jace...I love you." He murmured back a whisper of condolences before shutting the door, hoping that it would help bring a smile to both their faces.

Jace stood outside the door momentarily: Clary was his future wife to be and no one could bring them apart no one. _I think ill get Alec to watch over Clary, _he thought to himself._ She's sick and I cant trust that something bad wont happen._

Jace slowly made his way down to Alec's room before knocking twice on the oak door before Alec opened it. Looking tired and thin, Alex sighed in defeat. Ever since him and Magnus broke up, he'd hardly eaten and almost never left his room. "Good morning, Jace." He spat the words out like a curse. "What the hell do you want Jace? I'm so damn tired."

Well, Clary's ill, she has been all week and i'm worried about her...its awful..."

"Oh...that'd explain that little scenario in the kitchen the other day." Alec mumbled.

"Yeah, so if you could do you brother a massive favour and watch over my fiancé for the time being while I go out to get Magnus. I would greatly appreciate it."

Gawking at Jace, Alec widened his eyes. "Fiance? What?"

"Yes. Since this morning. Got any problems?"

"You finally tied it down." Alec grinned. "Well good for you, brother." He said, already in a better mood. "She is a great girl for you. And if you go around breaking her heart like all the others...You'll have hell to pay."

"I know, Alec. I love her I've never loved anyone more than I love her. She's so beautiful and stunning and amazing and has a so many great personalities joined into one personality. She's my world and when she's ready...I want to have children with her."

"I just think it'll be...amazing? Alec offered, not sure what to think of Jace's outburst.

"That's what I think too." Jace confirmed. Alec had never seen it before but Jace had actually just showed emotion in his eyes the only person he'd ever let his barriers down to was Clary but now, he didn't know what to think.

"So, can you look after her. I can't bear to think she might be in trouble while i'm gone. Please." Jace begged.

"I am sure Clary will be fine but yeah, sure. I will keep her company. We wouldn't want her getting lonely now would we?"

Thanking Alex profusely, Jace ran from the room and from the Institute to go see Magnus.

Walking to Clary's room, Alec slipping in without knocking, seeing as they had become good friends in the past month. Helping him through his parent's divorce and bad breakup, Clary had given advice and support. Catching a glimpse of what Clary was drawing on a notepad, he flushed, widening his eyes.

"Um...Are you drawing a nude of-"

"No!" Clary squealed, snapping the notepad shut and shoving it under the covers. "Hey...Alec...Um. Hi. Knock next time."

He smiled slowly and in self depreciation. "Whoops. Sorry. How're you feeling?"

She made a face. "I'm okay..."

Alec loved that one thing about Clary he loved how she always listened and was so easy to talk to. He gave Clary the nickname baby doll because she was like a little sister to him and her skin looked like a porcelain dolls. Her heart was like porcelain as well; so fragile and so easily fractured.

Alec smiled and said, "Soon you will be my sister in law." Clary nodded giving him a precious smile so wide he could have gotten lost in it. She hugged him gently and he returned the kind gesture. "Clary you will always be my baby doll always. Never forget that." They sat there in a blissful silence with goofy smiles on their faces, waiting for Jace to return with the sparkly warlock, commonly known as Magnus Bane, Alex's former boyfriend.

While Jace was walking the bustling streets of New York, he saw lovers walking hand in hand which reminded him of himself and Clary. He saw small children playing tag in central park, making him think about how that could be their kids one day.

He walked past Pandemonium, the club where they had met. _Must have been fate_, Jace thought, going up to the popular Downworlder party destination. Magnus's house. Jace could hear Magnus telling him to go away on the other side of the door, but Jace was persistent and kept on banging and telling as loudly as he could get out out his house because he needed help.

"What is it, Herondale?" Magnus muttered, still in his pajamas as he looked through the peephole of his door. "I'm not your little bitch, Jace, so stop acting like I am." After a few more loud shouts and bangs, Magnus finally appeared in the doorway lazily, looking at Jace as if he were some pest that needed to be dealt with. "What do you want? If this is about Alec, I'm sick of everyone coming to tell me how-"

"It's not about him. Clary's been sick everyday this week. I need you to help her to see if you might know whats wrong with her. Is that too much to ask for?" Jace exclaimed. Magnus's eyes softened at the sound of Clary's name. He always had a soft spot for the Frays. Jace knew he would help him.

"Fine." Magnus said grudgingly. "But i'm not helping you with anything else. Clary is the only Shadowhunter I'll ever help anymore."

"What about Alec?" Jace blurted out.

"I broke things off between us. I love him but I just cannot date a mortal..it's too much pain for both of us..

Jace replied. "There is something else, though, isn't there?"

"Shut up." Magnus snapped. "Are we going or what?"

Magnus and Jace made their way back to the institute and whilst Jace explained what was going on with Clary. The symptoms did not sound like a sickness to Magnus, although he did have sneaking suspicions of what was really going on and he was sure she did as well...

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**so what did everyone think? I hope you enjoyed. do yous have your suspicions of whats really going on? thankyou for all reading and for those that waited so long for chapter two until next time?... xx- em **


	3. sometimes knowledge can destroy

**hey everyone. im so sorry I haven't updated in a while its been to long. I would like to give a big thankyou to my beta-author FictionalSalvation, I hope you enjoy chapter 3 :)**

**you can find me on instagram at: A_CITY_OF_ALL_THINGS_BOOKISH**

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**chapter song-maybe ~ yiruma **

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Magnus and Jace made their way back to the institute and whilst Jace explained what was going on with Clary. The symptoms did not sound like a sickness to Magnus, although he did have sneaking suspicions of what was really going on and he was sure she did as well...

Being in the institute for Clary and not for Alec was different for Magnus. He held a million memories of Alec, which now swirled together to form a storm inside his glittery head. He didn't want to come here ever again; he couldn't handle the agonizingly painful memories of his past lover, his unspeakably gorgeous blue-eyed lover… Well, not his anymore. Since they broke up, Alec had been free to another man. It was the truth, and it hurt like a stab. Now here he was: in Alec's home, the past meeting him in a twisted embrace.

He still loved him, of course. He didn't want to love him, but he did. He would always love him; even when his lifetime would come to an end and Magnus would live on, watching the world pass by. He wished he could just forget. Fall in love with another and move on. He was a warlock, for goodness' sake! Magnus knew he could do those things. However, something was holding him back and he couldn't quite tell what it was.

With a heavy sigh, Magnus rounded the corner to Jace and Clary's bland, dull, non-sparkly room that he had always hated. How could someone not have a touch of glitter here, there, or everywhere?

Jace was walking beside him. When they reached the white door, the golden-haired boy stopped.

"Clary is in there," Jace said, not bothering to look Magnus in the eye. "Can I come in or would you prefer it to be just you and her?"

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. Jace never acted like this. Usually he would fight whatever it took until he was granted the permission to stay. A pool of jealousy started pooling in the bottom of the sparkly warlock's stomach: why couldn't Alec and Magnus still love each other the way clary and Jace did? Never had he felt this jealous of another couple before. Even when that couple consisted of Clary, whom he loved dearly in a sister-like way; and Jace, who acted like a male, reckless goldilocks in distress all the time.

"You can leave," Magnus muttered before stepping into the room.

He had advanced two meters when he masculine figure walk straight into his chest, startling him. He stumbled back a bit at the sight of the last person he wanted to see: Alec Lightwood.

The young shadowhunter had kept a rather gaunt look, with dark shadows under his eyes and sharper facial features. Magnus's gaze drifted temporarily to the shadows his obscenely long lashes cast on his cheekbones.

To say he looked dead would be an absolute understatement-he looked like a zombie that had been rotting under the ground for a million years.

Recognition was suddenly making its way into Alec's midnight blue eyes. It was quickly replaced by shock, though, and it hurt Magnus's throat, lungs and heart to speak. "I have business to do, Alec… Please get out," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "B-b-b-but I..."

"Don't worry," Alec blurted out, the same eternal sadness returning to his eyes.

All Magnus wanted to do was hug him and tell him that it would be all right, tell him that he loved him and that he would never leave him. But he couldn't, and it hurt, and so he put on an impenetrable façade like William used to do, just to push everyone away.

Alec dropped his gaze and he shuffled towards the exit. Just before the wooden door shut, Magnus caught sight of the broken face that had once belonged to his lover. Tears fell down his cheeks, leaving a wet trail of despair and sadness on its wake.

After attempting to shake off what he just witnessed (and failing miserably), Magnus made his way towards the bed. Clary lay upon the silk sheets peacefully, still and pale and asleep with sweat trickling down the side of her forehead. The sight made Magnus's stomach knot up; seeing another person he loved like this was like a double blow to the stomach.

Ever so slowly, he shook her shoulder, already regretting having to wake her up. She groaned quietly before both of those emerald green eyes cracked open, to show incredible relief.

"You're here," she said, gleefully leaving behind any hint that she was asleep just a minute before. He sighed and looked at her. Just another person that I will eventually have to bury, he thought miserably.

She looked at him with worried and confused eyes, as though he was a lost puppy and she did not know quite what to say or do. Were his emotions so clear on his face?

"What's wrong?" Clary frowned.

"Nothing," he grumbled. "I'm perfectly fine." She gave him a distrusting look, but didn't say anything about it. Magnus appreciated that.

"I am fine, but you, darling, are not, and I am here to give my favourite little sis a check-up," Magnus replied with sarcasm whilst Clary scrunched her face up in disgust.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Nevertheless, I think we both know I am not sick. I feel different, Magnus... as if my life had changed dramatically. I haven't had my period for… what, two months?" Clary looked up at Magnus, and he could see the desperation hidden within the emerald. "In addition," she continued, "I have been eating like a lion that hasn't been fed in two million years-"

"Clary-"

"-and not to mention the weight gain and the morning sickness- I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

"Clary, stop jumping to conclusions," Magnus interrupted in what he hoped was a soothing tone. "You could be sick with anything; you might not be pregnant. But," he added, as if in a second though, "don't get your hopes up, darling, because there is an 80% chance you are. I'm sorry."

Clary looked away, nodding, and Magnus finished saying what he had to say. "However, by the end of this evening you will know what is wrong. Whatever it is, your life will take a big turn. It could be for the worst or for the good. Time will soon tell, darling. Now go get cleaned up!"

Clary was showering, letting the lukewarm water wash over her; letting it wash away all her negative emotions and doubts, cleansing and scrubbing furiously. She cleaned away her anxiety, the blueberry soap mixing with her raw red skin to make a faint purple colour.

Magnus had told her that, the cleaner she was, the better, for he will be able to get a clearer sense of what could be wrong- or what would be wrong.

Clary bit her bottom lip, letting the pain and metallic taste of blood take her away from her the way she was feeling, even if only for a second. She was beyond nervous. Not because she was afraid of what she would be diagnosed with, but because she knew she wouldn't be diagnosed of anything. The symptoms to her mystery illness were so alike to pregnancy symptoms that she knew without any doubt that she was, in fact, carrying another life in her stomach.

An idiot would be blind to see it- it just explains so much. The growth and frequent expanding of her small stomach, the unbearable morning sickness, changes in her diet and extremely weird cravings: she was always making Jace go buy her some of her favourite combinations… like pickles, sardines and bread. The saltiness of the sardines with the pickles was just so magically delicious, and her favourite desert consisted of coconut pancakes with melted chocolate and barbeque sauce. They had Jace wincing at just watching her chewing her apparently 'repulsing and foul concoctions of food' very slowly to savour the taste.

Although she felt slightly guilty because her golden-haired prince adored Taki's' coconut pancakes with drizzled chocolate on top—well, he had liked them, until her very tragic food habits started up.

If she ever did as much as eating one of these meals, Jace wouldn't even consider letting her kiss him; her mouth was, according to him, 'poisonous and would give him severe food poisoning', faster than any meal Izzy cooked could.

It was so insulting from his part, that at the time she may have accidently given him a bleeding nose, alongside a dented ego. Looking back on it, that was just another reason why she thought she was pregnant. She had a temperament you just didn't want to cross, and her emotions would change in a blink's time.

Clary stepped out of the shower, wrapping a large fluffy brown towel around her shivering body, seeing Jace had used that spare pink one she had left close to the shower, in hopes he'd use it one day. He finally had and it sure was a sight to see. Clary grinned triumphantly - even though no one was around to see it; for all she knew, she probably looked like a half mad woman. Or maybe more like a creep.

Her feet were cold on the hardwood floor as she went over to pull out one of Jace's biggest and sexiest t-shirts he owned. She loved it just as much- almost as much as he did. He never quite got a chance to wear it. But it's not like he would ever protest, for it was a major turn on: seeing his girl all snug in his favourite shirt. Or so he said, anyway.

Looking down at the fabric that was now comfortably over Clary's body, she cursed it for just this reason: this shirt was the exact reason why Clary was in the predicament she was in now. Why, oh, why did this shirt have to be such a turn on for Golden Boy?

If only she could have never discovered it, then she would have never have worn it in the first place; which wouldn't lead to her fearing the worst. No; not fearing: knowing. Clary slumped back against the hard oak of the draws. Why the hell hadn't they ever thought to use protection that night? Every night before this one they had always used, in one form or another, protection.

Always.

Jumping slightly to a light knock at the door, with eyes bulging and a racing heartbeat, she heard a familiar voice waft through the door towards her. "It is me, Magnus; can I come in now?"

Clary's muscles slowly began to relax again; retaking her previous position and slowly leaning back into the chest of draws, she replied with a short and strained "Yes."

Clary saw a flash of sparkles out the corner of her eyes and stopped herself from rolling them. Such a cliché for Magnus to be wearing nothing else than his usual red glitter, blue glitter, brown glitter, pink glitter—hell, any colour of glitter as long as it sparkled. She hadn't noticed the extravagant amount of glitter he had on before.

But that was probably because she was still half asleep and a little delirious from the cuts on her feet, from the plates she and Jace had mercilessly shattered. She hadn't made a big deal out of them, though, for Jace would have overreacted and asked Magnus to fix those as well. That would be totally unnecessary: all he had to do was draw a few iratze and they would start healing on their own accord. They were already nearly gone, only faint scars left were the cuts had taken refuge.

Clary, making sure to straighten her back, made her way to sit down on the plush mattress before looking up at Magnus. His eyes held so many emotions- caring being one of the most dominant, but there were hints of love as well. Not romantic love but the kind of love a brother felt towards a younger sister.

That nervous feeling started building in clary again. As much as she tried to distract herself from it, she knew she was pregnant. Clary wished that Magnus would grin all of a sudden and tell her it was a simple case of flu, but she was going to find out sooner or later. And she knew that sooner was better than later.

Clary, biting back a wave of rogue tears, forced herself to look at anything but Magnus's face. The last thing she wanted was her hope crushed so quickly. It was the only thing keeping her going apart from Jace and Izzy, her parabatai and husband to be.

"Clary," he said; "relax. Otherwise I'm not going to be able to detect anything, okay baby doll?"

Hesitantly he let he bones and muscles become limp. Fear running through her veins, blood and mind, the ginger shadowhunter closed her eyes, feeling the relief that washed over her as she did so.

She felt Magnus beside her touch her forehead with one hand, and press the fragile skin above her heart with the other, where it beat erratically as time came closer to the truth.

Magnus stiffened. He knew; he knew what was wrong with her. He knew, and she didn't, and when she did all the hope had she ever had would melt away completely. He knew that things were going to go terribly in the next 48 hours.

Because Magnus couldn't help what he felt beneath his fingertips: he felt more than one heartbeat. It was inevitable – Clary would become a mother, wether she liked it or not. Unless—no. Magnus knew she'd never do that. For what he knew, she would never consider aborting them- but what about Jace?

"Well?" Clary looked up at him, with divine emerald eyes, wide and innocent, starkly contrasting with the red hair that could be seen from a mile away. And the moonlit room only made her delicate skin resemble porcelain ever more- she didn't want the truth. Magnus knew that much. But even he couldn't keep this from her, for sooner or later she would know. The warlock figured it was better to simply tell her now.

Magnus clenched his jaw and spoke in his best fake cheery voice, which probably sound strained. "Congratulations."

That was the only word Clary needed to know. All she needed to know. She felt as though her heart had stopped beating, her blood stopped flowing, her brain stopped working. Her feelings had gone away, as though everything had frozen in time to that one single word.

She was going to be a mother- a mother. She hated the thought. It made her feel even more ill. How could this be? How could this happen? What about Jace? Would he want it? If he didn't, what would she do? Clary knew she didn't want it either. But she was stuck with it, and all he has to do was walk away from her, leaving her with a burden too heavy for her to carry. But she wouldn't let him be the one to initiate leaving: if he did as much as hint not wanting their child, she would walk away from him. Simple and plain.

She loved him and she would not put this. She would run and leave no trace without a glance back. She would save him from it even though she couldn't save herself.

But what if he did want it? She would keep her feelings to herself about not wanting it- his child- her child- because she could not put the pain of knowing that on him. As long as the one she loved always remained happy, she would do anything for him; even if it meant her own sadness.

"Clary, Clary, for crying out loud- CLARY!" Clary heard a loud yell and was instantly pulled out of her thoughts.

"Are you okay, biscuit?"

"Yes, I'm fine Magnus."

"Why, you don't look fine to me. Are you sure you're okay?"

Clary turned her face away from him, but as she was saying okay she broke out into a fit of tears, loud sobs wracking through her body. Clary had always hated it; the fact that, whenever she would avoid crying in front of someone, she would instantly burst into tears at the mention of 'Are you okay?'

Arms circled around her waist, and, as she was lifted into Magnus's lap, he ran his hand in soothing patterns. His embrace was warm and tight, nearly comforting. "You're going to be alright."

"No I'm not, Magnus," Clary whispered hoarsely. "I'm never going to find happiness - it doesn't matter if Jace wants the child or not. I will remain miserable because I know that I will always have this child, one way or another. I have no choice nor decision: I cannot abort because I'd be killing another life, and I can't put it to adoption because that's not fair on them- thinking their mother and father abandoned them. How painful do you think that would be?

"I will always be miserable," she concluded as another vicious wave of sobs tore through her body. Is this what it feels to break permanently, to fall apart for once and all?, she wondered. Is this what it feels to be completely helpless? She let herself go limp in Magnus's arms, the tears never wanting to stop.

After shedding tears for what felt like hours, they finally seemed to slow down; now they just randomly came sliding down her puffy red cheeks.

"Magnus, can you promise me something?"

"Anything, biscuit."

"If Jace doesn't want it I-I I want to leave. I don't want him to carry this burden with him as well if he doesn't want it... I want him to be happy. Even if I can't be. I will leave this institute and come to you." She stopped and drew in a painful breath, knowing the decision was made.

"Not to stay," Clary continued, "but so you can remove my memories (and theirs) and help relocating me into a new institute. London, I was hoping," she finished. "Please do this for me- if it comes to it."

He looked into her eyes, searching for any clue to see if she was lying, but she wasn't. She was serious and pleading.

"Fine," he breathed out. "Fine. But if he wants it… Clary, you'll stay here won't you?"

"O-of course I will."

"I see. Well, then I promise. And, Clary, you never know. You might change your mind about wanting this child because, if I do say so myself, you're being over dramatic. You will come to love it and that I do know for sure."

"Thank you," she smiled, although it wasn't genuine. Magnus feared it would never be quite genuine again. He had to hope. This girl needed his hope. By now her tears had stopped causing loud hiccups, and Magnus, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't stop thinking about the saying "A fake smile can hide a million tears."

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**so there it is chapter 3. who enjoyed? thankyou for everyone who read until next time xx-emily**


	4. sometimes love requires sacrifice

**_hello my fellow readers, I'm back with chapter 4 :D! I would like to give a big thankyou to everyone that has reviewed, favourited, and followed my story. I really appreciate it and it encourages me to keep going with this story and to get chapters up faster! i would also like to give a big thankyou to my Beta-author FictionalSalvation for the help, because without her this story wouldn't be possible._**

**_lets keep this A/N short an sweet._**

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**chapter songs:**

**six degrees of separation ~The script**

**just to see you smile ~Tim mcgaw**

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**disclaimer: everything belong to Cassandra clare except plot.**

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_"__Thank you," she smiled, although it wasn't genuine. Magnus feared it would never be quite genuine again. He had to hope. This girl needed his hope. By now her tears had stopped causing loud hiccups, and Magnus, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't stop thinking about the saying "A fake smile can hide a million tears."_

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It had been an hour now since Clary had stopped crying. She didn't even know what she felt anymore.

"Magnus," she croaked out, her throat aching in protest- it was sore from her earlier display of water works. She cried for so long and now she was so confused on how she felt.

Magnus looked down at her, his catlike eyes burning into hers with their intensity. "I feel weird. I don't know exactly how to pinpoint it… It scares me a lot," Clary whispered in hopes that she wouldn't feel the burning pain that came with every word spoken out of her mouth. However, she still felt it. But this time the pain was more of a relief, reminding her that she was still very much alive.

"Explain it to me," he murmured against her ear, masked behind those very words no matter how small and simple. She could hear the very many years of wisdom behind them, and even the hint of sadness for living so long. He'd once said to her best friend Simon 'everyone thinks it's great to live forever, but it's not until you bury everyone you love it doesn't impress you anymore'. It broke Clary's heart just thinking about it. The amount of pain and grief that comes with living forever; the consequences- she supposed you couldn't live forever for nothing; there is always a price to pay. Even if you didn't want to be immortal, you have to pay. Still.

Coming out of her thoughts, Clary looked up at him and spoke just loud enough for him to hear, "I- I- I feel empty yet so full of emotion. Like even the smallest thing could push me over the edge. What do you do when there is nothing but pain left inside of you? In addition, what if everything we were looking for only existed in our dreams? How do you explain something you don't even understand yourself?"

"You have to understand, Clary, that life is unpredictable. After being here for several centuries, life is still the one thing that confuses me; it is the only thing I fail to understand, and I know I never will. Just when you finally seem to think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, and you get excited about it, and you feel like you know what direction you're going in, more often than not you will find that the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other direction, north is suddenly south and east is west. Then you find yourself utterly confused and lost.

"Nevertheless, one thing I have learnt in my many years about life is that the people who have the strongest heart eventually manage to find a way back to the path again, can begin and start fresh. Life will break everyone so harshly and only the strongest will remain. I have lived many lifetimes and I've seen the most broken of souls build themselves up again. When all hopes were lost, they still managed to find a way. It taught me that sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise as a stronger and wiser version of you.

"I know for a fact that you will come to love your child unconditionally whether it is in ten years or tomorrow. You will regret anything you ever said about not wanting this child, and you will be angry at yourself for feeling only pain and sadness towards this child. You will regret it all and it will be painful. It may be the worst of pain but I assure you will feel a weight you never even knew you had lifted off your shoulders; everything will only go up from there.

"Jace and yourself are in love, you may stray from him but it is in your destiny to end up together- don't ask how I know this, biscuit. The love you have for each other acts as a golden cord that has chained your hearts together forever. His heart will always be bound to yours. I have seen love act in so many different ways in my life to know how it works, and though it may have many twists and turns, if you are truly in love with someone you will always find a way. I just hope you'll find yours."

"What if I just think I'm in love with him and everything you said is false?"

"Well, I suppose that's something you'll find out later on.

He looked at Clary, his eyes so bright with knowledge. And, although her mind didn't want to believe a single word he'd said, her heart did. As soon as she realised this she pushed it down into the deepest and darkest depths of her heart and locked it in a small non-existent box, chucking the key away. She couldn't risk having those words run wild through her heart: it would only destroy her.

"I love you, darling," he whispered; "but you still have to talk to Jace."

"That can wait until tomorr-"

Magnus cut clary off abruptly slightly raising his voice at her; he said with finality: "You will not wait any longer, Clary. As the father he has every right to know and you're not doing him any favours; he's petrified for you. I've never seen him act in such a way before. He looks like a frightened animal caught in headlights."

Clary looked down at their clasped hands. "Are you leaving now?" Her voice was filled with worry.

"Yes biscuit. I must, for I have business to attend. I'm sorry- if you need me, swing by the apartment." He gave her a slight hug then picked her up as if she weighed nothing, placing her on the ground.

"Before I leave, I'm going to send Jace up, so expect him, my beautiful girl." Of course, Magnus felt bad for leaving his little girl to deal with her own problems, but he had to. It was the natural thing to do. The girl that had been like a sister to him all these years was finally going to start living by herself. Even if it was pure torture for her, he knew that leaving this to her was the best option. Magnus only hoped Jace would want the child; if he didn't then everyone would be forgetting- including himself.

With a final peck on Clary's cheek and a playful ruffle of her hair, he was off, never once looking back at her.

To say clary was terrified would be an understatement; her heart was racing a marathon whilst sweat ran down the back of her neck. She started up her old habit biting her nails to the skin, some even started bleeding, but she needed the pain. She needed to feel the pain. The burning that came with the pain split her focus away from what would go down in only minutes or even seconds. Because anytime now Jace would make an appearance, and then she'll have to tell him every saddening detail she'd just learnt.

_Breathe, Clary, just breathe_, she mentally chided herself. But she couldn't stop the loud noise that came with her gasping for air. She tugged her hair in frustration and muttered to herself, wondering when she would finally get a grip on herself.

Jace had been training for god knows how long until Magnus had eventually came down to the training room. Taking a slouched position against the doorframe, Jace yelled out to him from across the other side of the room. "Watch out, glitter boy," the golden-haired boy called out. "I don't want any filthy sparkles in the training room. It's the only really manly thing this institute's got going," he finished, hoping to lighten the mood even if only a little bit, but he knew by the tense posture that Magnus took on that it didn't work. If anything, it only seemed to make the tension worse.

Nonetheless, Magnus still yelled back with a forced smirk sketched across his face. "I thought your nickname was glitter boy."

"Ha-ha, I'm dying of laughter," Jace faked. However, Magnus had already returned to his posture he held beforehand.

"Look, Jace, I'm not interested in messing around and joking with you today. I'm just about ready to leave, but Clary has a lot to tell you, and it's a deadly serious lot. So please do not try to make any jokes to her, for it will only make her more distressed then she already is."

Jace stared silently at Magnus's stressful face. "You understand?" the warlock asked.

Slowly, he nodded, not sure if he had seen Magnus this worked up ever before, which only intensified Jace's fear. "Now get upstairs - this instant - and don't take too long, Jace."

Magnus didn't have to say it twice- Jace was bolting up the stairs, taking thre at a time: all he could think about was clary. He had to get to her. He had to help her. He would do anything for her happiness and health.

Clary was a lot calmer now she had had time to sit down and breathe. Just when she thought she was finally pulling it together she heard the door knob twist. Her head shot towards the door; it flew open, revealing a frantic Jace who looked sick with worry. His hair was dishevelled as if he'd run his hand through it a million times. _He probably has_, Clary thought miserably. His knuckles were cracked and bleeding, his face lit up like a wild fire with sheer preoccupation. Sweat trickled down his head and neck.

How could she have postponed not telling him for so long? Why hadn't she told him as soon as she found out? It would have saved him all that worrying he'd clearly just been going through.

The first thing he did when his eyes set on her was take three big long strides towards her, and pick her up into his arms after a long embrace. Clary looked up at him. She was trying to hide any emotion that hinted towards her being sad about what she would tell him next.

"Jace," she drawled out for about a minute trying to delay the inevitable. "I'm just going to come straight out with this." Then the words that would change her life forever had come out of her mouth. "I'm pregnant."

She searched Jace's eyes for anything that might say he wanted the baby. At first she thought he looked joyous and excited, but she must have been mistaken because his eyes hooded over and darkened. That was when she fell over the edge, her heart shattering into one million and one tiny porcelain pieces.

As soon as the words "I'm pregnant" came out of Clary's mouth, he was beyond happy: they would be having a child together. But something about the stiff posture Clary held and her attempts to hide any negative emotions gave it all away. She didn't want it. It was as noticeable to him as though the words _regret_, _sadness_, _this is a mistake; please let it be a mistake_ were written across her face in a bold black marker. He hid his excitement with one of his many facades.

His expression clouded and darkened. If she didn't want this baby he wouldn't risk losing her for them; he loved her dearly, and if this child would ruin his beautiful fiancé's happiness and amazing personality he would make her believe he didn't want it.

He looked at her sternly and said the words that he would regret forever. "You can get an abortion, or we can see if Magnus can do something, or we can even put it up for adoption if you'd like." He couldn't breathe - something inside him was breaking beyond the point of being fixable.

Clary looked at him; he saw understanding and agreement in her eyes and his heart sank even further. She really did not want this child. The thought sent a pang through Jace's heart.

He felt her tiny hands pull him towards her and all of a sudden he was wrapped in a warm embrace, wherein each touch sent small jolts of pain through him. It was so late at night by now and he could tell that both she and he were beyond tired. "We can talk about this tomorrow if you want, Clary," he muttered quietly. "Lest rest on it." He felt her head nod against his chest and then she pulled away, making her way to their plain white bed and laying down. As her eyes closed, Jace soon found himself beside her though neither of them attempted to touch each other.

They fell asleep like that, with a few inches between them. Clary awoke slightly afterwards. She knew what she had to do now, leave them all. She would miss them but it would be for the best. She knew that for Jace's happiness she must leave - he didn't want the child and wouldn't have to put up with them. She would spare him from it.

She packed what she needed in a tiny bag, one set of clothes, a pair of undergarments, pencils and her sketchbook. She didn't want to take too much, for she didn't want to leave too much of a hint that she'd left.

She walked over towards the bed and kissed Jace's forehead. God, she was going to miss him. She loved him with a burning passion but soon she wouldn't remember and he wouldn't either and they would go on living their lives. _He might meet someone._ The thought sent a painful pang of hurt through her. She lingered there for a moment longer, hoping, and then pulled away, missing the contact immediately. She lowered her mouth to his ear and breathed out: "I love you." Then she turned the doorknob and made her way towards the exit of the institute, trying to take as much as possible in. She felt a tear slip down her cheek but she pushed the rest back- she refused to let the tears fall.

The thought itself saddened her. Never had she ever imagined that something like this would happen. She knew that she was probably overreacting, and being over dramatic. Magnus was right when he said she was in love with Jace; when you're in love, you never want anything to come between the one you love and their happiness. Even if leaving and erasing all memories each other was the only thing you could do. You would do it purely to know that they would still be able to smile and still feel the happiness you wanted for them. That was all that really mattered to you when you were in love.

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**thankyou for all those who took the time to read this chapter, feel free to pm me, and if you have the time review your thoughts on my story so far, good and bad reviews are both welcome! thankyou again for reading until next time. ~em**


	5. these letters of goodbye

**I'm back again with chapter five "letters of goodbye". thankyou to all those who followed, favourite or reviewed laster chapter. I would also like to give a huge thankyou to my Beta-Author FictionalSalvation.****enjoy! :D**

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**chapter songs: ****when the love falls~ yiruma ****impossible~ James Arthur **

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**disclaimer: Cassandra clare owns everything except plot.**

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_'The thought itself saddened her never had she ever imagined that something like this would happen. She knew that she was probably overreacting, and being over dramatic Magnus was right when she said she was in love with jace and when you are in love you never want anything to come between the one you loves happiness. Even if leaving and erasing their memories and yours of each other was the only thing you could do. You would do it purely to know that they would still be able to smile and still feel the happiness you wanted for them. Because when you're in love that was all that really mattered._

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Clary had been at Magnus's for a couple of hours now, trying to sleep with no success; it was too hard with everything that was running through her mind at a million miles per hour. No sooner would she shut her eyes than the night terrors would take hold of her. So instead she fixated herself at the small oh-so-sparkly glass desk, which Magnus kept in the corner of his guest room.

With pen and paper in hand she would write to them a letter that once read would burn instantly. Her mind seemed to slow down at the prospect. Not a very good way to say goodbye, she thought, but at least it was a goodbye.

Her pen touched the paper, her hand wavering only slightly as she proceeded to write.

Dear Alec,

You are a good man, my friend, my brother. I wish with all my heart that things didn't have to come to this, I really do… but life was never meant to be easy. Well, at least for me… it isn't at the moment. I promise that one day I will meet you again, I just don't know when, or even if it will be in this lifetime.

Your smile will be missed by me, your awkwardness just as much. Baby doll will always be cherished in my so called 'porcelain heart' for eternity, even if I don't remember it - it will still somehow always be there, as if a part of me was missing.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have a person like you in my life. Nevertheless, it just makes saying goodbye painfully harder. I also promise that when I leave, your life will start becoming progressively better. You cannot mourn something you don't even remember; that will be the best part. The life you had with me will be forgotten, the memories erased. I am sorry if you object but it is what has to be done.

You do deserve a reason though, and that you will surely get. I'm sorry if this hurts you or makes you want to cry, for happiness or for sadness. You are going to be an uncle to mine and Jace's child but, sadly, I don't want it - maybe in the future I will. However, Jace doesn't want it either - or at least I assume he doesn't, so, instead of him having to carry this burden, I'll leave him. He deserves a happy life and a smile that won't fade. If this is what brings him that, I will leave with a goodbye.

I'm sorry once again but I love you dearly, my friend, and someday hopefully our paths will cross again and you will be able to forgive me. You don't have to. I would understand if you didn't. It seems to me I've come to all the words I want to say.

Goodbye in Raziel's name,

baby doll.

Dear parabatai…Izzy

I'm so dearly sorry. I am parting with you. For better or worse I don't yet know. Things are going to change soon and I don't know what that will mean for our connection. But it won't be good. My mind seems to be overflowing at the moment with thoughts, with all the memories you've ever given me. Memories that soon both you and I won't have. I don't exactly know how I'm feeling; it's kind of like loneliness: one that only exists in my mind.

I'm going through the loneliest moment in my life. I suppose I'm watching my whole world fall apart and all I can do is stare blankly - that type of loneliness.

I understand how angry you'll be at me, for leaving you, erasing your memories of me, for ruining our parabatai bond, for not saying goodbye in person. I understand how angry you are, and for that I'm sorry.

You are the best friend-sister-parabatai I have always wanted and now I am letting you down by leaving. That hardly seems fair on your part. I love you very much. Please do not cry while reading this. Please don't.

It's so godamn hard to say goodbye to you. You're a part of me, a piece of my heart I will never get back. We will meet again one day - which I'm sure of, whether you will hate me or forgive me I don't know.

I suppose I owe you an explanation now...

I'm pregnant with Jace's child. I do not want the child, nor does Jace. I was going to stay if Jace wanted it and keep the secret of me not wanting it to myself forever, even though it would have killed me from the inside out. However, because Jace led me to believe he didn't want it, I left. Not just for him but for me as well.

He deserves a life where he doesn't have to put up with a child he doesn't want. I left knowing that at least one of us didn't have to put up with it. To know at least one of us would be happy. So congrats, you are an aunty.

I'm sorry you may never be around for part of their life but do know that she/he will come to love you unconditionally as an aunt.

I will never forget your motto "nothing less than 8 inches", but for now I bid you with a farewell.

In Raziel's name,

Tiger.

Dear Simon,

You are my childhood best friend. I grew up with you. Why is it that all my friends are impossible to say goodbye to? Treat Isabelle right; if you don't, if I ever see you again, I will skin you alive, Lewis. I haven't seen you in two weeks now and I'm sorry for not giving you a proper goodbye.

I love you and your geeky personality. I suppose you won't remember anything about me either. This is going to be the toughest choice I've ever made in my life and the reason will have you giving me a sex e.d lecturer, no doubt. Because guess who's pregnant? Me.

I can already hear the words that would be leaving your mouth right about now. 'How could you think to never use protection? Clary you're so much smarter than that. You shouldn't have been going at it anyway- you're not even married! Clary, why? Why? Why? Why!? Do I need to keep going because I could give you a mouthful more' and then I would probably say 'you don't understand'.

In addition, you would say 'no, Clary, I don't understand how a highly intelligent woman can get in bed with a guy and not use protection. I need to get you an STD check immediately, Clary tomorrow I am taking you to the hospital!' Then you would storm off with a pout on your face acting like a child. I would just roll my eyes in return.

So anyway, I just want to give you my gratitude for being my friend for so many years and a very upsetting apology for leaving you behind.

Yours truly,

Fray.

After clary had written Alec, Isabelle, and Simon's letter, she began to write Jace's. She expressed how much she loved him and why she had left him, and wished him the best of luck. She gave him permission to find another woman. Her eyes began to well up with tears, but she pushed them back down for the hundredth time.

She couldn't believe this: she was actually leaving. Not only was she leaving her loved ones behind but she was leaving herself behind as well. Somewhere in this new life with no memories, she would forget the person she once used to be. What about her mother?

Her mother had left New York City with Luke a year ago and she had not been in contact since. Therefore, her mother would never quite worry where she was because she thought Clary was at the institute. For precautions, she would erase their memories too.

So, really, Clary was repeating the same cycle her mother did to her.

With a heavy sigh, she traced a new rune against the back of each letter, so that as soon as it had been read it would light with flames. Then she sent them with another small rune in the top corner of the envelope. Everyone would receive them as soon as they started to question where she was.

This was goodbye.

Jace awoke that morning, the sun piercing through the crack in the blinds. 'Argh, too bright'. He reached for Clary multiple times but grabbed nothing but air.

"Clary?" He called. No reply. "Clary, are you there?" he called again, thinking she may be in the bathroom. But yet again there was no reply, only the sound of the institute's walls creaking. Such a lonely sound.

He slowly got up, stretching his arms behind the back of his head with a loud yawn. Now that he was fully awake, everything came rushing back to him from the night before.

Clary was pregnant with their child. But he couldn't want it because he didn't want to lose her. He pushed the thoughts out of his head and made his way down to the kitchen of the institute. Clary was probably with Izzy or Alec, Jace reassured himself.

A poisonous-smelling food started wafting up to his nose. "Great, Izzy's trying to cook again," he grumbled as he pushed through the heavy doors.

There stood Alec and Simon (or rat boy, as Jace liked to call him.) Izzy was slaving away at the stove, attempting to cook something. Jace could not decipher what exactly it was. It looked like a flat black rock on a pan and next to it a brown lumpy-looking mixture. However, he couldn't see clary anywhere.

"Morning goldilocks- where's little red? Is she still snoring away?" said Simon.

Jace looked up at him, slight tension and worry entering his voice. "No," he replied. "I woke up and she wasn't there. I thought she would have been down here with you."

There was a small silence and Izzy spoke up. "I don't think she's here at the moment. I can feel her absence I had though… well, I thought you went out somewhere last night because that's when I felt her presence becoming further away."

Jace went ghostly pale. Where had she gone after they talked? She didn't leave him, now did she? So many possibilities and thoughts were running through his head, though only bad ones.

His thoughts were broken when four white envelopes dropped between them on the counter, each one addressed to someone in particular. Everyone walked closer and Isabelle gasped, tears starting to catch in her eyes.

Alec, Simon, and Jace moved closer to see why. As soon as they did, their blood ran cold. Each envelope had one of their names on it. Jace saw his own: it was in Clary's cursive handwriting, and it read

To my dearest,

I am sorry but this is goodbye,

Clary.

He was shocked, slowly registering in his head that she had left him. He leaned against the counter for support and slid down to the floor with his head in his hands, a single tear making a trail down his cheek. "He cried all night and never cried again".

Alec's voice broke. "Well, are we just going to just sit here and stare or are we going to open them?" His voice sounded distant. Before Jace knew it, he was now holding a white envelope his envelope thanking Izzy for giving it to him. They all looked at him expectantly, knowing what they wanted he opened the letter and read aloud:

Dear Jace,

You are the love of my life, the man of my dreams, my soulmate, my best friend, and my partner in crime. I'm sorry. But I know. I know you do not want our child either. Moreover, I don't want you to have to live with it if you do not want to. So, I'm sorry. I'm leaving. You can find another woman if you like: you have my permission. It is not going to be hard to forget about me, I swear, and if I ever see you again, maybe we can pick up where we left off. I will never let go of our engagement ring.

I will have it around my neck on a silver chain forever, even if I don't quite remember what it signifies. I am going to stop talking now because if I don't, I don't think I'll be able to stop, and I won't want to leave. However, just remember: I will always love you.

Good luck and good bye,

Yours truly,

Clarissa Adele Herondale-Wayland-Lightwood-Morgenstern-Fairchild-Fray.

He was holding back a flood of tears. He had forgotten to ever have had the power of even coming close to this emotion, to be on the brink of letting everything out and breaking down. He hadn't cried since he was nine, and now time was making up for that.

He was in limbo, not knowing if he was quite alive. All he could hear was her goodbye. All he could see was her. He was destroyed.

"To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed."

Izzy, Simon and Alec were shaking him, calling his name aloud, and slowly pulling him from his own mind. When their faces finally became clear again and not some warped and blurry slow-motion movie, he let it out.

Tears spilled out, streaming down from his golden eyes, down his cheek and jaw onto the hard floor. Izzy grabbed him by the shoulders in shock. "Jace, we will find her and stop her before it is too late. Do you hear me?"

Jace nodded but the words she spoken were garble and went in one ear and out the other. More tears flooded down his face as all their memories start flashing throughout his eyes.

He cried harder, his eyes now puffy and his cheeks rosy red. His face was hot and he was tire. Isabelle was suffocating him in a big sisterly bear hug, yet he made no move to return the gesture.

Slowly, he was falling apart once again. Alec was hugging him as well, wrapping his arms around his sister and his brother and together they fell apart in each other's arms. The tears mixed with each other's. Even Simon joined in. They were one big group lying on the ground in a broken embrace, trying to keep each other up but barley succeeding. This was hard; harder than he could ever comprehend

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**there you have it, chapter five. feel free to pm me. what are you thoughts so far? until next time ~em**


	6. Giving up hope

**hello my lovely readers! I don't have much to say apart from my thanks to yous for reviewing, favouriting and following my story it means so much! :) thankyou FictionalSalvation your an amazing beta-author.**

**disclaimer I do not own anything apart from plot.**

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**chapter songs****broken~ Lifehouse ****the man who can't be moved~ the script ****clocks~ coldplay**

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Clary awoke to four loud knocks to Magnus's bedroom door. She groaned and pulled the black-and-blue very sparkly and somehow bright blanket over her head, not wanting to face the world today. "Clary?" Magnus's soft but demanding tone asked. "Are you decent?" Before clary had the chance to reply, the door to the bedroom burst open to a very energetic-looking Magnus, causing a shriek to burst through Clary's lips. Dear god, that warlock will be the death of me.

"Magnus! I could have been… well, you know, indecent!" her voice squeaked out, still a little bit dazed from shock.

"Oh, pish posh, biscuit. I'm gay- it wouldn't have mattered." As if she wouldn't understand, Magnus threw his hands into the air and pink and purple glitter started raining down around him.

"I hardly think the glitter rain was necessary to put your point across. Besides, I already knew you were gay," replied Clary with a shake of her head, causing her auburn curls to bounce.

"Oh, now I'm offended." Magnus put a hand to his heart and pouted. "Glitter is always necessary- speaking of glitter, I made up this new song." Magnus started jumping up and down enthusiastically whilst clapping his hands together- he reminded her of a little child that just got a new toy.

"And that would be?" Clary pressed.

"Okay Clary, wait a second: I've just got to get into character." Emphasizing this, Magnus turned around and began to make funny noises with his mouth, shaking his legs and arms. Boys will be boys, and Magnus—well, Magnus will be Magnus, Clary thought with a light chuckle.

She looked up at Magnus just as he started to turn around. It was so hard to not laugh: somehow, he had managed to change his clothes from a singlet and sweats to a very sparkly rainbow suite and bright blue ravens and a tie-dye top hat with more sparkles. He looked like a rainbow disco ball- scratch that, he looked like a disco. Magnus bane was the very definition of disco.

To top it off, he had a very serious face on and started throwing glitter into the air. Then came his very off-tune singing. "It's going down, I'm throwing glitter you, better sparkle-e and wear no pants!" Then he abruptly stopped, clicked his fingers so everything went back to the way it was and bowed.

Too late to stop herself, Clary bursts into fits of laughter, "Can't b-b-breathe s-o-o-o-o-o f-un-n-n-y," Clary wheezed out through her fit of giggles. "Hey! That wasn't funny, that was my master piece. Clary, learn to respect greatness!" Magnus said dead serious, causing Clary to erupt into another fit of uncontrollable laughter, to the point of tears streaking down her face.

Magnus, now obviously very annoyed, got a bucket full to the brim of rainbow glitter -from where, Clary had no clue- and proceeded to dump the lot of it onto her, successfully halting her abusive laughing. "You did not just do that, Clary glared, clearly pissed about her new look.

"Oh my—Clary, you should really wear glitter more often- it really brings out that sparkle in you," Magnus mocked.

"Anyway, why did you wake me up? I swear to god that's the last thing I wanted to do, especially when you only get 1 hour of sleep," Clary asked, her voice taking a more serious edge.

This seemed to remind Magnus of what he really came in to talk about, his smile faltering only a little. "Clary, I'm sure you know. Now get dressed and meet me in the living room in 20 minutes." Magnus went to make a fast escape, snickering about something, only confusing Clary more. Magnus turned back to Clary just before the door closed and said, "I burnt your clothes, there are some new ones in the drawers". Oh great, this cannot be good, Clary thought.

She made her way over to the drawers and opened the top one hesitantly. By the angel, Magnus," Clary muttered, her eyes bulging at the assortment of lingerie in front of her. "What on earth does that warlock think he's doing?" Reluctantly, Clary pulled out a simple black lace push-up bra and matching lace panties.

Clary opened and peaked into the next drawer, hoping for something decent to actually wear. But no: no sweats for her to wear, only high-waisted jeans, skirts, and high-waisted shorts. Oh, boy was she going to kill him. He couldn't have let her get off with her usual sweats and a singlet. Clearly irritated with Magnus's choice of clothing, Clary yanked out a pair of high-wasted leather skinny jeans, and boy were they tight.

Exasperated, Clary pulled out a skin-tight black t-shirt. Of course it had to be skin-tight- nothing better to have your cleavage popping out like dogs balls. And finally, Clary pulled out a very comfortable and good-looking leather jacket. Finally something I can agree on.

Exiting her bedroom, Clary made her way to the bathroom to examine herself in the mirror. Her eyes bulged at the person looking back at her. She actually looked quite good. Never in a million year would clary ever wear this. Curves she never even knew existed were highly noticeable the black, complimenting her fiery red locks and her emerald green eyes nicely.

Clay squinted at her reflection and screamed- she was so flustered about the clothing she hadn't realised she was still covered from head to toe in glitter and, although most of her skin was covered. the parts that were showing looked like she bathed in glitter glue.

"MAGNUS!" she screamed. Clary exited the bathroom and stomped down the very short hallway into the living room, fuming. She had already had a bad couple of days- she didn't need this.

"Why, clary what seems to be the problem?" Magnus smirked.

"First the goddamn undergarments, then the skin-tight clothes, then the glitter! MAGNUS, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT!"

Feeling bad for the prank, Magnus clicked his fingers and the glitter disappeared- he should have known better that she's not in the mood to joke around. Clary's posture immediately softened at having the glitter disposed of. "Thank you." More like never, ever, do that again, Magnus- not cool, Clary said to herself.

"Sorry biscuit, but back to business: we really do need to talk about what's going to happen, because whatever we do it has to be accomplished by tonight. The others will start looking for you and it will be only a matter of time before they find you," Magnus said. Clary thought she heard a note of sadness in his voice, but it changed too quickly for her to be sure.

"Well, my memories, to start off with, erase them of Jace, Izzy, Alec- of everyone that's ever known me, and do the same for them. Including my mother and Luke and Simon and yourse-"

"But-"

"No buts Magnus, just hear me out." Magnus rolled his eyes and huffed out aq "fine."

Clapping her hands together, Clary continued; "As I was saying, I will also be breaking my parabatai bond with Isabelle: I created a new rune that will allow me to do so. As for my belongings I'm sure you'd enjoy doing that thing where you click your fingers and get everything you want-"

"Summoning spell," Magnus butted in.

Clary rolled her eyes an amused expression taking hold of her face "Right, what you just said. And burn them-"

"On one condition: you let me pack your bags for you."

"Fine, but only if you let me finish speaking-"

"I-" Clary gave Magnus a death glare, successfully stopping the words from coming out of his mouth.

"I was thinking you could send me to London institute- Ov'e heard that there is another couple (James Carstairs and Tessa Gray, am I right?) who are expecting a child, and William Herondale, Jace's cousin, so I know for sure that one day in the near future me and Jace and everyone else might cross paths again."

"But you won't remember him or them-"

"Shut up Magnus! And if you'd let me finish speaking, I would get to that. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted again, I want the spell to be so I will forget and they will forget me, though if Jace and myself ever meet again all memories will be restored," Clary finished, nervously twisting a piece of hair around her fingers.

Magnus was silent for a few moments, trying to process everything she had said to him and although it hurt him immensely, he would do this for her, with no promise of ever seeing or remembering her again. "Alright, biscuit. Well, I will get everything sorted out. In the meantime, go get some rest: you have a big night ahead of you."

Gee, Clary thought. This was it. She was really going through with this no backing out now.

Following Magnus's orders, Clary made her way to the bedroom. She walked around trying to etch every single curve and corner in the walls and the colour of the painting. She knew it was useless- she was going to forget because it was all that could be done. All that needed to be done.

Knowing she wouldn't be able to fall asleep easily, Clary grabbed her stele, pushing the tip into her skin and relishing in the burning sensation that came with it. She slowly and very carefully carved an intricate design of a sleeping rune and when the tip of the stele finished the pattern; her eyes had already started drooping.

She placed her stele back to where it came from and made her way to her bed, slowly lowering herself down and, when her small head of red curls hit the pillow, she let sleep take her.

….

They'd been searching all day for their little redhead. Night had fallen over, New York City forcing them to meet back up at the institute.

Earlier today, after receiving their letters from Clary, they each had only half an hour to wrap their heads around what was going on and, instead of being alone, they spent it in each other's arms. They really were a sight to see 4 people lying down on the floor, sobbing into one another's shoulders. By the time they all had gotten out of their little moment half an hour had passed, so they each went their separate ways and started searching high and low on the streets of New York.

By the time Jace had gotten back to the institute, Izzy, Simon and Alec were already waiting for him. "Any luck Jace?" with a strained voice Izzy said. Jace shook his head, afraid that if he spoke he would lose control of his body and break down.

There was a very tense and depressing silence that filled the air before Simon broke it. His voice was wavering; "M-may-b-be w-e we cou-l-l-d tr-y trackin-g h-er agai-n," his voice cracked towards the end and a few tears spilt down his cheeks.

"We don't have time!" Jace yelled. "It didn't work the last three times so why should it work now?"

"It's better than doing nothing! I don't see you coming up with any ideas golden boy!" Simon yelled back as equally loud.

"That's because there's nothing we can do rat-boy—she's gone and there's nothing we can do!"

This time it was Izzy's turn to yell: "Both of you shut it! And Jace, stop speaking like that. We can't lose hope- not yet, not ever. We will find her whether it's the last thing we do." She started mumbling to herself: "we will, we have to, we will find her," but doubt was getting the better of her. "But what if we don't? What will we do then?"

"Izzy," Alec's soft voice whispered in her ear. "Izzy," Alec said, slightly louder and firmer, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You're crying again—it's okay, everything will be okay."

"You don't know that, Alec," Izzy sobbed. "For what she said to us she's going to make us forget about her, somehow, it would be torture. I would have a parabatai rune on me without the faintest idea who belongs to it." Izzy turned around and collapsed in her brothers arms.

"Shhh, shhhh you're okay. Things will turn out okay, whether it is tomorrow or in ten years, but one things for sure: everything will all be okay in the end."

Alec looked up to see Jace and Simon now over their fight, sitting down slumped against the wall, together sharing a beer. Jace's face was so different from his usual. All his protective barriers were down and all you could see was raw emotion etched across every line of his face, sadness taking domination over all the rest.

Alec felt the weight of the world on his shoulders: he was the only one with any hope left, and even though he still had hope he could feel it burning away by the second. He wasn't going to give up, not yet at least. There was still time, precious time they could be using to find Clary instead of moping around and letting it slip between their fingers. If they were to act, they were to act now. Because it was now or never.

"Get up now everyone!" Alec demanded "You all want to find clary, yet you are wasting time we don't have on moping around. Don't lose hope yet! Hope is the only thing that could even bring us close to finding Clary, and without it we will achieve nothing."

Alec let his sister go; only to see her sit down and slouch back against the wall, he tried pulling her wrist to get her up. "Get up, get up, get up! Just get up Izzy!" Alec yelled; "Please." He could feel his hoping slipping away but he couldn't let go—not now.

He marched over to Jace and Simon and slapped the bottle of beer out of their hands. They looked up at him with distant and sad eyes "It's only been a day and you are ready to give up! You can't! There is still hope—we need to go out and find her. We should try Magnus's; we should have went there first," Alec's voice dropped a few octaves. In return Jace and Simon just stared back at him. "Why won't you listen? Please, just listen. I'm begging you: it's not too late. If we act now, we can get her back. I bet you she's at Magnus's—why didn't we think of that at the start? That's the only person who can erase her memories, hide her from tracking spells, and is like her brother." Alec started to fill up with hope: she was at Magnus's. He knew she was.

But after a minute passed and no one bothered to reply but instead stare blankly up at him, he felt his hope splinter. "Please," he all but cried; "we have to go look there," he went around trying to pull them up to no avail. "Izzy, Jace, Simon: we have to; it's not too late. It's our only hope," his voice sounding more hoarse then before.

His hope was burning away into ashes now, but he willed the fire to just keep burning just for a little while longer. "Please," came his strangled voice, he knew he was losing.

"Just give up, Alec! She's not coming back! She's gone and we won't ever be able to find her! Why can't you just give up already?" Izzy screamed, tears pouring down her face with each word. "Stop trying to fill us up with hope when it could be so easily crushed and with it us."

"No, Izzy, she's there, I promise you she's at Magnus's;" came Alec's reply but he wasn't so sure he believed himself anymore.

"Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! How do you know that?!

"I-"

"You don't know that! For all we know she's not there! Just give up already, Alec. She's gone and she's not coming back." Another burst of sobs tore through Izzy's body.

Alec could feel the hope in him fighting to be released. "She is there! It makes perfect sense!" Alec tried to yell but failed.

"Just give up Alec!" Izzy yelled again.

Alec started to let go but he couldn't; he needed it! "We have nothing to lose, let's just go and check! Please, I'm sure she will be there."

"Just give it up man, we do have something to lose, you know? Our hearts! Forever! If we go there and she's not there it's only going to confirm that looking for her is useless; she can create runes for anything for god's sake! So what's stopping her from creating one that makes people forget about you, huh!? She's gone. Just let go," Jace said, his voice hollow.

Then came Simon's empty voice. "Just give up already. I can see you struggling to hold on, just give up, before your hope crushes you."

"B-bu-t I ca-n-n-n-t," Alec said just above a whisper.

Then Izzy's strangled and deteriorating voice ripped him to shreds "Just give up, please," she begged in a mix full of tears.

All hope Alec had left him in a gust, leaving his body to a very hollow and empty feeling, and then tears slowly started falling down his cheeks. He let his gaze fall to the ground and slowly he made his way to his bedroom. First he lost Magnus and now his baby doll, what was the use of hope if it only ever crushed you?

…..

Alec awoke to loud screams of terror tearing through the institute—he faintly recognized it was Izzy's voice so he began running down the hall to her bedroom with what little energy he had left. He briefly looked over towards the clock to see it was 11.00 pm. When his eyes locked onto Izzy's trembling frame, he saw the shape of her parabatai ruin bleed through her white pyjama top. He stopped dead on his tracks: that could only mean one thing—Clary was dead.

Jace and Simon came bounding up behind him, both going wide eyed and shocked. "No, no no no no no." Jace started backing up against the wall. "No! She can't be: she can't! NO!" He turned around and punched a hole in the wall and then another and another until his hand was bloody and bruised. "I should have listened to you, Alec. We all should have, maybe if we did she would still be alive and my child would, too."

With that being said, Jace stormed out of the room, but he was trembling. Simon crumpled to the floor and Alec stood there, staring at Isabelle in pure disbelief and sadness, while she sat their rocking her quivering frame back and forth while chanting, "Clary's gone, Clary's gone, Clary's gone."

Alec gently picked up his sister's stele off the bedside table and walked over to her. He gently took her hand and started carving a sleeping rune into her palm—she barely even noticed. Her eyes drooped slightly and then her head fell back against the pillow; in a matter of just seconds she was deeply asleep.

He then made his way over to Simon, and because he was now a shadowhunter, he repeated the same thing he had done to Isabelle. Simon fell asleep on her floor almost instantly, after having the ruin applied. Just before he left the room he turned back and took in his sister's pale skin, rosy red cheeks, and her hair plastered to her face from sweat.

Shockingly, he noticed that the blood had disappeared of her night gown. He passed it off as a trick of the eye and made his way to the training room where he was sure Jace would be.

He was right, of course: Jace was punching the hell out of a punching bag in the corner of the room. Slowly, Alec walked up to him and started tracing a rune on his bare back, surprised by the fact that Jace didn't feel it. Jace then fell backwards into Alec's arms. Slowly, Alec lowered Jace down onto the floor and traced two healing runes on each of Jace's wrists. As Alec was walking out of the training room, he heard Jace's soft snores follow him.

Once Alec was back in his own bed, he drew a sleeping room on himself and, slowly, cautiously yet carelessly, he let the darkness take him away from his life.

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**chapter quotes~**

**it feels right. but it's emotional. saying goodbye to anything you done that long is hard. ~angela ruggierro**

**"The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye...until we meet again" ~jimi Hendrix**

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**chapter 6 done and finished. review what you thought? until next time -em**


	7. heartbreak and memory loss

**hello fellow readers, its been awhile but im back! :) with chapter seven. yay! thankyou to FictionalSalvation for being my beta-author. also thankyou to everyone who has reviewed, favourite and followed my story you have not gone unnoticed!****disclaimer: all rights go to Cassandra clare apart from plot.**

**chapter songs****no good in goodbye~ the script ****all the kings horses~ karmin****broken~ life house **

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To remove her parabatai rune hurt incredibly bad, both emotionally and physically. Clary hoped with all her heart that Isabelle didn't have to experience the intense level of pain that she herself was feeling now. Although the physical pain hurt, the emotional hurt more. She felt with each stroke of her stele an invisible wall jamming its way through their golden cord, and the feeling was sickening. She had to bite on her own tongue to stop from screaming out in pain, for the loss of everything was too hard to bear. A giant rock was weighing her heart down, a flood of tears threatening to break the surface of her eyes. The deep sense of separation - not only from her parabatai, from her mother and step father Luke, from Simon, her childhood best friend, from Magnus, her un-biological brother, the love of her life, Jace Herondale, and his parabatai Alec Lightwood, and most of all, herself. She was separating herself from the person she was now.

Magnus stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her small waist, to help keep clary from falling to the ground. Her body was so tense she felt like a rock in his arms. He felt the sweat dripping of Clary and the negative energy she was putting off into the air. He could feel all her pain as though it was a thick cloud of fog in the air, dense and suffocating. How? How could he agree to let her go through with this?

"Stop! Stop now, Clary. Please stop- don't do this!"

But it was too late. By the time Magnus had let the words out, she had finished removing her most important rune of them all: her parabatai rune.

Clary looked up at him with dead eyes, "I'm sorry, Magnus, but it's what has to be done."

"You're acting so irrationally, Clary," Magnus started. "You love Jace and he loves you, so what if he doesn't want the child? You don't either! Imagine the pain you're putting him and Isabelle and everyone else through now. Heck, you're even making your own mother forget about you! For what? A child that neither you nor Jace wants but you can't bring yourself to get rid of? You're leaving and erasing yourself from their minds for Jace's happiness! Who gives a shit about his happiness? What about the rest of us?!

"Your mother, step father, me, your parabatai, Simon, Alec, Jace and most of all, yourself! What's the point in leaving and erasing your memories but hope to bump back into Jace in the future? What is the point of any of this, huh?"

Magnus's catlike eyes started to sparkle even more and not because of glitter. Tears of frustration and sadness welled in his eyes and spilled down his tan, sparkly cheeks, smearing his glitter and makeup everywhere.

Ashamed of herself and feeling bad for the pain and sadness she had inflicted upon the people she held most dearly, Clary began to answer Magnus's questions.

"I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so sorry. But I've finally come to learn what true love means. Love means that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. True love is selfless- it is prepared to sacrifice because sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far the truest type of love. I care so much about Jace's happiness and I know that I'm hurting everyone. That is why I'm erasing their memories!

"The point is, I'm doing what I think is right. With a chance everything can reverse itself and maybe then I'll regret this, or things will be different. Out of everyone… Magnus, you must understand that love means sacrifice and selflessness. It doesn't mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending, but the knowledge that another's wellbeing is more important than one's own!

"The right way may not always be the popular and easy way. Standing for-r right when it is unpopular is the truest test of moral character, so forgive me if I'm wrong for doing what I think is right. I'm sorry," Clary finished, believing everything she just said.

Magnus nodded in understanding. Of course he understood her: that was the exact way he felt about Alec. He felt jealous towards Clary for being as selfless as she was towards Jace, even if he didn't know it. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that this was all so unnecessary. He was shocked when she had arrived at his door sobbing. He was so sure Jace would be the happiest father in the world, but he was wrong and he was never wrong. Well, at least that's what he used to think.

"Yes, Clary. I understand;" Magnus held out a diary and a pen and said "write down something you might want to tell yourself when you get to London as who you are now to the person you will be."

"Okay. I will;" gratefully, Clary took the diary from Magnus's outstretched hand and slowly made her way over to his circular coffee table, that appeared to be some kind of marble doused in glitter. Really, she thought, is there one place in this apartment that's escaped Magnus glitter?

"Oh, clary, your name will be Clarissa Whitewell. I've spoken to the clave about it and they're making the changes to your name as we speak. They also know what's happening and have informed the residents of the London institute of your arrival."

Clary simply hummed to him in reply and started writing in her diary,

Dear Clarissa Whitewell

This is the part of yourself speaking you don't know exists. You fell in love with a very handsome and charming man, but unfortunately that's all I can give you. You did have a parabatai, but unfortunately the connection has been severed by yourself with a rune. You have an un-biological brother that means the world to you. Glitter is his thing. A mother who doesn't even know you're doing this. A step father who also doesn't know you're doing this. A childhood best friend who is nerdy and loves dungeons and dragons. A best friend who calls you baby doll and is also your lover's parabatai. The ring you wear around your neck is the most important thing in the world to you: hold it close and never ever let it go. Please. It once marked the most significant thing that's ever happened to you!

You left because you fell pregnant with your lover's child, and unfortunately he didn't want it, and at the time you didn't either. You wanted only happiness for him, so, instead of staying with him and putting a burden he never wanted on him, you left so he could remain happy. To ensure his happiness you erased the memories of everyone that ever knew so they could be happy to. Please know that one day, whether it be tomorrow or in 20 years, you may bump into him again and you will remember. Therefore, you should always know that whatever happens next is completely and entirely up to us. Just don't run- I beg of you. Unfortunately I cannot give you my full name but my first name is Clarissa.

Yours most truly,

Clarissa, the part of yourself you erased.

"Hey-uh-Magnus, I'm done," Clary said whilst making her way over to him. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the 6 suitcases he had around him. A black one, a grey one, a purple one, a blue one, a sparkly one and a paint splattered one. Oh heavens: she was going to kill him.

"What is this?" said Clary.

"In the black suitcase is lingerie- and lots of it. In the grey one is jeans and skirts, in the purple one is dresses and tops. In the blue one is jackets and sweatpants. In the sparkly one is makeup, hair products, a tub of glitter, jewellery, perfumes and creams. In the paint splattered one is lots and lots of paint, pencils, sketchbooks, paintbrushes all that artsy stuff.

"I expect you to adopt a sense of fashion while you're gone, and the contents in those suit cases should do it," Magnus replied. Oh shit I forgot shoes. Who are you, Magnus? He thought with a click of his fingers. Two more suitcases appeared: a pink one and a leather one.

"Really, Magnus? More?" Clary whined.

"Yes," he stated matter-of-factly. "More. The pink one is full of high heels and boots and the leather is full of joggers, chucks, docs, and all that." He then proceeded to hand her a blue shoulder handbag with a matching wallet filled to the brim with $100 notes. "There's $1000 in cash and $9000 on your credit card."

"This is too much- you keep the money," Clary said, feeling guilty.

"Uh no way girlfriend, we all know I'm a millionaire- that's like one dollar to me, Clary," Magnus said with sass in his voice.

"Thank you so much-I love you lots Magnus," she smiled at him but it barely made it to her eyes.

"Here, take this and drink. We have to get you through that portal in 10 minutes, biscuit" Magnus's eyes shone with unshed tears. Ten minutes, he thought. I've only got 10 more minutes with her.

"What is it?" Clary asked, pointing towards the blue potion in Magnus's hands; "it's not poison, is it?"

"No, biscuit: it's the memory potion- you need to take it now."

"Okay, thank you Magnus- I just- I love you," Clary said, taking the small blue potion into her small hands and popping the lid from the top. As if it went in slow motion she put the vial to her lips, tipped her head back and gulped down the potion. She felt it immediately going into action- it was painful but a very odd sensation in her head, dizzying at most.

"How long before it finishes?" Clary asked Magnus.

"Around 10 minutes," Magnus answered honestly. He started moving towards a brick wall and motioned Clary to follow. In no time at all he had zapped up a portal and was beckoning Clary to walk through it.

"Goodbye biscuit, I love you so goddamn much" Magnus said a tear slipped down his cheek, and then another; his voice was low and hoarse.

Clary walked up and hugged him tightly, taking a picture of Magnus in her head. "Hey Magnus, don't be dismayed at this goodbye. You know a farewell is necessary before you can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends." She let go of her grip on him and stepped back she looked at him once more before entering the portal and now everything will change. Clary kept the image of Magnus in her mind, willing herself not to forget, but when she reached the other side and stumbled, she forgot what she was trying so hard to remember. She looked up and was met with the gaze of 5 teenagers, all looking around her age.

Magnus stared at the portal and mumbled to himself, "she went her unremebering way, she went and left in me the pang of all the partings gone and partings yet to be." But when he closed his eyes and re-opened them that feeling was gone- he couldn't remember what he was upset about. I'm probably still dwelling over Alec and I's relationship-well, breakup.

He felt as though something was missing, but he didn't know what it was.

…

Jace awoke that morning to a pounding head and bruised knuckles. "Argh," he groaned, covering his eyes from the bright sun. What the hell happened last night? Stretching out his tense and sore muscles, Jace looked around taking in the sight of the training room. "By the angel, I must have gotten drunk or something."

When Jace was wide awake he faintly registered a sense of something missing, but he couldn't quite place what it was. As soon as he went to stand a blinding flash of red spread out behind his eyes, and then green. "Definitely got a hangover," he muttered, "but I've never been so smashed before that I couldn't remember why I drank in the first place."

He padded lightly to the kitchen to see Isabelle, Simon and Alec eating Takis. His parabatai slid a container across the counter towards him. Mmmm, he hummed. "Thanks man."

They all sat and ate together in a comfortable silence. Until the unknown events of last night drifted into Jace's head. "Hey, by any chance, do any of you know what happened last night? I feel hammered and like I'm missing something."

"Yeah, I think we all went to the club," Alec chimed. "I had to draw sleeping runes on all your drunken arses- you had a punch up with a punching bag because your lover died or whatever. Please don't try to hurt yourself like you did last night, you moron. Izzy, I certainly hope next time you drink you don't go on about your imaginary friend who's short has no fashion sense and is a redhead, who is apparently your parabatai then proceeding to invite Simon to have a cup of tea with you because she died and you were sad because it was not amusing in the least."

"Ah, so that explains why I woke up on your floor this morning" Simon said to Izzy.

"If you so much as tell anyone what I did last night I will personally kill you, Alec," Jace warned with red tinting his cheeks. Since when has he ever had a fist fight with a punching bag when he was drunk?

"Same," Isabelle said sending death glares towards her brother. "And we can't have been the only ones acting like idiots. What about you, big brother?"

Alec's face turned a vibrant shade of crimson, and sensing this he turned around hoping the others didn't notice.

"Ah huh" Isabelle said smugly "I knew it, spill the beans ".

"Fine, but you cannot laugh under any circumstances," Alec gave pointed looks to each of them as if to warn them.

"Okay so before all your little episodes, we were all drunk and somehow I managed to convince you that we were meant to save a girl who had red hair and vibrant emerald eyes. I suppose you believed me because we were all drunk. So like total idiots we split up for I don't know how long. By the time we got back to the institute were all miserable because we couldn't find the made up girl and then I, being drunk and all, think she's at Magnus's and you all told me to just give up looking for her already.

"Then drunken, sad me kicks in and goes to my room, which apparently all of you did as well. I wake up at 11.00 to you screaming your head off Izzy. I was sobered up but apparently you, Simon and Jace weren't. You were crying about how your imaginary friend had no fashion sense and was beautiful in her own way, and you were complaining on and on and on about how you were her parabatai, and the rune somehow disappeared. You then asked Simon if he wanted a cup of tea because your imaginary friend and the person I thought we had to save had died, and it was apparently his childhood best friend so he was crying.

"Jace then proceeded to punch the wall in and tell me that they should have listened to me and went to Magnus's to save her because apparently it was his so called lover. Jace ran off, so I placed a sleeping rune on you and Simon and made my way to the training room where Jace was punching the shit out of a punching bag because his lover was dead. So I traced a healing and sleeping rune on his back and made my way back to my own room.

"I felt extremely guilty for letting drunken me put this imaginary figure into your heads, because if I didn't none of that would have happened. I couldn't sleep so I drew a sleeping rune onto myself too." Alec finished his big, long explanation on what happened that night. "So that's the whole story of last night"

"I'm never getting drunk with you again," Isabelle stated.

"Me two," Simon added.

"Me three," Jace said.

"Me four," Alec joined in.

Everyone but Jace broke into a fit of laughter at their stupidity last night but Jace broke it with his bone-chilling words: "I don't think last night was a drunken act."

Everyone just stared at him, their previous laughter dying off. He looked lost. "I mean, I feel like I'm missing something- it's probably nothing, though I was apparently super drunk last night."

"Exactly, Jace. You're probably missing the events from last night. I'm pretty sure everyone but Alec feels like they're missing something, because he remembers all the events that happened last night." Isabelle said.

"Yeah," Alec agreed, not wanting to scare anyone but, truth be told, he felt like something was missing, Jace's words hit him full force. "Nothing about what happened last night seems right- what if this girl really wasn't imaginary?"

His heart started to feel heavy and weighed down, a deep aching pain running through it but he didn't know why. Yeah, he had broken up with Magnus only recently, but this pain was different. Like something he didn't know existed was causing the pain. He saw a flash of words before his eyes 'baby doll'. Eventually he just shook it off as last night's drunken state.

"Well, who's up for some training?" Alec said. He just wanted to fight away these crazy thoughts and relieve the pang in his heart. He wondered if the others felt it too or if it was just him.

**thoughts on chapter seven? thankyou for reading, favourite, follow and review if you want and feel free to pm me if you have any questions, until next time ~em**


	8. every end has a new beggining

**hello everyone its been awhile but im here with chapter 8. although this isn't the best chapter because I haven't really had much inspiration or any ideas lately so I forced myself to write this chapter basically as im suffering writers block. still I hope you enjoy. thankyou to my beta-author superlunary and all of those who have read, followed, favourited and reviewed my story.**

**chapter quote:****I don't know what I want, But I do know something's missing. I don't know what it is. but I can feel it, I can really feel it. **

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**chapter songs: (may not be 100% accurate)****here **

**without you~ 3 doors down**

**torn****~ natalie imbruglia**

**disclaimer all rights go to Cassandra clare except the plot.**

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_1 month later_

Clary was kissing a beautiful blonde man so passionately – as if she couldn't get enough of him. When she pulled away from the golden angel, she took time analysing his nearly flawless face, whilst taking note of the small chip on his front tooth, but that only made him more perfect in her artistic eye. As she leaned in for another kiss, he dissipated into nothing, leaving her in a panic. She tried grasping for him in the place he'd just occupied, but each time coming up empty-handed. Her heart was beating erratically and a deep ache tore through her body at a blinding speed. Clary collapsed down, feeling an overwhelming and deep sense of loss as everything around her started to fade away into a never-ending blackness. Faces from the dark started appearing and disappearing rapidly all around her. The golden angel she was kissing not long ago, a tall and beautiful girl with straight black hair and dark brown eyes, a scrawny boy with glasses and curly brown hair, a guy who looked similar to the girl with black hair the only difference being their eyes whereas the guy's were a startling blue colour. The last face to pop up lasted the longest it was another man but his whole face was doused in glitter and he wore lots of eyeliner. The pang she felt earlier intensified, she squeezed her eyes closed and cried.

Clary awoke gasping for breath, her hand clutched tightly to her chest. Her face was damp with sweat and tears. The morning sun was shining brightly through a small crack in her blinds, causing a soft groan from her.

She felt Will's presence behind her and smiled to herself. They had felt an immediate connection when they first made eye contact; ever since they've been almost inseparable. She could still remember when she first arrived crystal clear.

….

**_Flashback_**

Clary straightened herself up after catching a glimpse of 5 teens in front of her. She brushed out the non-existent crinkles in her clothes and finally looked directly in the eyes of a tall female with mousy brown hair and grey eyes. She offered clary a large smile, which crinkled her eyes in a perfect way. "Hello," the girl said. "I'm Theresa Gray but please, just call me Tessa. It's nice to finally meet you."

Clary smiled and said, rather shyly, "Nice to meet you too. My name is Clarissa Whitewell."

Clary's eyes travelled towards the next two teens: a handsome young man with dark brown hair and the most beautiful eyes that took on a blue-green colour and a girl who looked around 2 years younger than him stood beside him, only slightly shorter then him. She had head on his shoulder and his arm was hung loosely around her waist. The girl had long blonde hair and beautiful brown eyes. "Hello, Clarissa. Nice to meet you. My name is Emma Carstairs and this is my partner Julian," she said, gesturing to them man she had her head resting on.

Clary gave a small smile and made direct eye contact with Julian, who said: "Nice to meet you as well, and please just call me Jules."

Another voce came from Jules's other side: it was soft and melodic. "I see you forgot to introduce me, little sister." A man with beautiful silver hair and eyes said. Clary's eyes absorbed him in. "It's a pleasure to meet you Clarissa my name's Jem and Tessa would be my fiancée." He gave a bright smile towards Tessa.

At this moment another man with blue-violet eyes caught her sight, he looked sad? But the expression passed his face as quickly as it came. She didn't know if it was her mind playing trick or not. He was stunningly handsome, his hair a pitch black that contrasted perfectly with his eyes. "And you are?" Clary said, pulling him out of his reverie. His eyes locked with hers and instantly she felt this strong pull towards him, he must have felt it too because of the shocked look on his face.

"William- William Herondale, but call me Will please." He sent a bright smile towards her and said, "Do you want me to show you around? Your bags arrived around 5 minutes ago and they're already in your room."

"That would be perfect," Clary said, "if it's okay with the others."

They all looked slightly shocked, as if what they were seeing wasn't actually happening. Tessa was the first one to shake out of it. "No, it's fine. We were all heading out for the day. We'll all get to know each other better tonight at dinner anyway."

The others simply nodded then descended the stairs, until Clary was left alone with Will.

"So do you have a nickname that you'd like to go by instead of Clarissa?" Will asked.

"Uh, I don't know actually," Clary said quietly. Now that she thought about it, she didn't remember much of why she was here either, as if her mind was a blank slate.

"Well, Comet it is then," Will said, his eyes sparkling. They seemed more alive than they had when she first saw him.

_"Comet." I like the sound of it._ Clary hummed in appreciation.

"Come on – let's get you to your room. I'm sure you're buggered," Will said, and gestured towards the large institute doors.

….

"And this is your bedroom," Will stated opening the door and taking a step back gesturing for her to walk in.

Clary gasped and a huge grin spread across her face. She took in the beautiful room: there was a large king-sized bed in the middle, made of an elaborate oak. There was a large window looking down on London and the view was spectacular. Her fingers tingled to paint it.

Before she could even think she had leapt up into Will's arms and hugged him, tears pooling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. "Thank you so much – this means everything to me."

"Whoa, it's okay Comet. You needed a place to stay especially when you're not only catering for your own needs but the little person in your stomach as well."

"How did you know I was pregnant?"

"You have a baby bump and the Clave informed us," Will said, "and you will always have a home here."

Clary hugged Will even tighter, if it were even possible. "Uh Co-Comet," Will wheezed out

Clary looked down at him and jumped off immediately, her face reddened and she tried to hide it with her bright red hair. "I'm sorry," she laughed out nervously.

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I'm going to leave now my room is the one next to yours so if you need me just call out."

Will gave her one last wave and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Clary looked around more. When she walked to the other side of the room she caught sight of a stack of suitcases. She groaned at the amount of unpacking she would have to do. "Ugh, what was I thinking when I packed?" she mumbled to herself. Beside the suitcases sat a handbag and when Clary picked it up a small diary fell from it._ This might be able to tell me why I feel like my mind has been wiped clean_. She bent over and grasped the book in her hands, lifting it then walking towards the bed.

She lay down and shifted until comfortable before opening the diary and peering inside.

Dear Clarissa Whitewell

This is the part of yourself speaking you don't know exists. You fell in love with a very handsome and charming man, but unfortunately that's all I can give you. You did have a parabatai, but unfortunately the connection has been severed by yourself with a rune. You have an un-biological brother that means the world to you. Glitter is his thing. A mother who doesn't even know you're doing this. A step father who also doesn't know you're doing this. A childhood best friend who is nerdy and loves dungeons and dragons. A best friend who calls you baby doll and is also your lover's parabatai. The ring you wear around your neck is the most important thing in the world to you: hold it close and never ever let it go. Please. It once marked the most significant thing that's ever happened to you!

You left because you fell pregnant with your lover's child, and unfortunately he didn't want it, and at the time you didn't either. You wanted only happiness for him, so, instead of staying with him and putting a burden he never wanted on him, you left so he could remain happy. To ensure his happiness you erased the memories of everyone that ever knew so they could be happy to. Please know that one day, whether it be tomorrow or in 20 years, you may bump into him again and you will remember. Therefore, you should always know that whatever happens next is completely and entirely up to us. Just don't run- I beg of you. Unfortunately I cannot give you my full name but my first name is Clarissa.

Yours most truly,

Clarissa, the part of yourself you erased.

She turned to see if there was more on the next page, but unfortunately the rest of the book was empty. Clary had a dull pain radiating in her chest and a headache formed in her skull. This news made her feel empty and dull.

Unconsciously she stood up and travelled to her bathroom to view herself in the mirror; she had a small baby bump on her stomach and, as if the gesture were comforting, she rubbed over it.

She looked long and hard into the mirror but the reflection that stared back at her wasn't her, she didn't even know who she was anymore – how could she? Behind her emerald green eyes was a past with memories both good and bad but she didn't remember that side of her, and she feared she would never recover it.

When she became too tired to stand she lay back down and fell asleep letting dreams take hold of her.

….

"Comet! Wake up," Will said, scared. He was hovering only a few inches above the petite red head that was screaming and crying in her sleep. He saw her eyes bolt open before she pulled him down into a bear hug. Tears were spilling down her porcelain face and into his shirt but he didn't mind.

"Are you okay Comet?" Will whispered with his chin resting atop of her head.

"I'm fine now, just a nightmare, that's all," Clary said.

Clary was half asleep again when she felt Will shift out from underneath her and stand up.

"No!" Clary said suddenly awake "Stay with me the night. Please, Will."

He turned to face her and nodded before placing himself down next to her. "Okay Comet."

Clary snuggled into his solid chest and whispered, "I know we don't know each other very well, but I trust you. Please just hold me through the night."

"Anything for you," Will mumbled.

They lapsed into a perfect silence before their soft snores rang out through the room.

…..

**_End of flashback_**

Will squirmed behind her before snaking his strong and masculine arm around her waist. Clary turned in his grip to face him. "Another nightmare?" he said sleepily. Clary nodded in reply.

"Darling, I really wish I could help. I feel so useless and I hate it."

"Stop feeling like that," Clary scolded. "It's not your fault I'm having nightmares."

"How about we go out to a café with the others today?" I'm sure that little baby in your tummy could use a good feed."

At the time Clary's belly decided to grumble loudly. Her stomach had swollen so much more since Clary arrived at the Institute. She was only around 5 months pregnant but she looked as though she were ready to pop.

"Mmm, sounds good," Clary replied.

Will gave Clary a quick peck on the lips and gave her a sleepy smile before slowly stretching out and standing up. "Meet me down stairs in an hour, Comet," Will said before leaving her room too fast for her to reply.

….

Cary had been standing under the steaming hot water of the shower for around half an hour now. She knew she couldn't stay in it for much longer but the water was very relaxing and took her mind off her repetitive nightmares. Who were the people in them? _Why am I always kissing the blonde one? _She had so many unanswered questions, which was frustrating to say the least.

She had told her friends about the dreams and the note she had written herself the day after she arrived, looking for answers on why she would do this. But none of them would answer. They all just said that it was what she wanted, and maybe one day things would change; but for now this was her life and she should live it.

Clary groaned loudly, feeling the familiar headache grow in her skull from the effort of trying to figure things out. She fingered the necklace around her neck before reluctantly turning the shower off and stepping out into the frigid air. She wrapped a black fluffy towel around her waist and walked into her room.

She quickly pulled an outfit out of her drawers. High-waisted leather jeans, skin-tight grey t-shirt that wWill bought her, which read "Never trust a duck", a black scarf, leather jacket and boots.

When Clary made it to the bottom of the stairs Will was already there looking sexier than ever. Although they were a couple now, she still couldn't fully give herself to him, but the reason why was still unknown too her. She assumed it was the same for him.

"Where are the others?"

"Tessa and Jem have got baby stuff to do and Jules and Emma are on duty," Will said.

Clary gave will a warm smile. "Just us then Shnookims."

"Uh, Clary, you know I hate that. It hurts, you know?" Will faked a hurt expression on his face while grasping his heart.

Clary stopped laughing abruptly and felt that all-too-familiar pain streak through her body. _What is it with this heart burn?_ she thought. _I'm pregnant isn't that punishment enough?_

"Heartburn?" Will said.

"Yeah. Shall we go? I'm starving."

….

They stopped walking in front of a small café, where their first date had been. Clary couldn't get in fast enough, and as soon as she got a menu she started rattling off the food she was going to eat. "Okay Will, I'm going to have the omelette with triple ham, mushrooms, and a block of cheese. _And,_ pickles on the side and two large glasses of orange juice."

"Jesus, Comet, is a block of cheese really necessary?"

"Yes, now please shut up. You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No."

"Then do not talk!"

After a couple minutes in silence Will said: "My hotheaded cousin Jace is coming down in exactly 3 months. You will be able to meet." Will smiled.

"Sorry Will, I'm going to New York in exactly 3 months to visit a warlock about the baby, and why I'm growing so fast. I leave with Tessa," Clary replied back, feeling guilty.

Will's face fell, but he soon said: "Another time, Comet."

At this moment the waiter came back with their food, and they lapsed into a peaceful silence.

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**okay so yes will and clary are together O.O this was just a quick chapter the next will be better I promise. jace and clary will meet again just not the way your expecting... there will only be around another 6-10 chapters. if you have any question just pm me and i'll answer . but thankyou to those who read this chapter if you can please review lots of love -em xx**


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